


lets be lonely together

by MaddieandChimney



Series: Meet Cutes [19]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, also considered a meet cute...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28369203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: Maddie hasn't spoken to her brother in over three years, so when she turns up in LA two months after the death of her husband, she needs a little... encouragement to face her brother.She supposes there are worse introductions to LA than a soft eyed stranger with a scar in the middle of his forehead.At least until a few months later when she’s pregnant and faced with the reality that the stranger she never thought she would see again is actually one of her brothers closest friends. It’s complicated, to say the least.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Howie "Chimney" Han & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Maddie Buckley & Josh Russo, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Meet Cutes [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1927492
Comments: 105
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

It’s just nerves. That’s what she keeps telling herself when she finds herself sliding onto a stool in a busy bar, putting off the inevitable. Just a drink or two and maybe that’ll give her the courage she needs to face her brother. Her brother who she hasn’t spoken to in three years and who knows nothing of her life or what her life had become.

Now, here she was, thousands of miles away from the place she had called home for so long, in LA to try and find some sort of safety or just a relationship with her little brother. But she couldn’t quite gather up the courage she needed to knock on his door, which is how she had found herself walking until she came across the first drinking establishment she could find and telling herself just a glass of wine. Just enough to quell the nerves and force her to come face-to-face with the man she hadn’t seen in so, so long.

Maddie takes a breath as she rubs her finger over the edge of the wine glass placed in front of her, biting down on her bottom lip when she feels someone slide into the empty seat next to hers. Her eyes move to linger over her empty ring finger on her left hand, realising how she had gotten so used to the two rings that had once seemed to weigh so heavy on her finger. Her husband had been dead for over two months and she’d practically thrown them across the room the second she had been able to gets a moments peace. Yet still, a few months later, it seemed… foreign, somehow.

“Are you okay?”

The voice is enough to snap her out of her own thoughts, daring herself to tilt her head up to look at the person who had sat next to her. A man with soft eyes and a pink scar in the middle of his forehead, a slightly concerned smile on his face that matches the level of concern in his voice. A complete stranger, in three words, has shown her the most care she’s experienced in years which only elevates the nerves rising within her when she thinks about facing her brother. She knows he loves her, she knows that eventually Evan will forgive her and maybe she’s just not able to face up to the fact that her brother, who she grew up with, will show her a level of comfort and care much more than she’s experienced in years. It’s hard to feel worthy of it, especially after she’d held the knife that had killed her husband in those few months before.

Innocent. That was the police had told her, it was what her lawyer had said, it’s what anyone she ever spoke to about the entire thing believed but… it was easy to say and easy for those on the outside to believe but she simply couldn’t get her heart to trust in that. She’d spent months trying to convince herself that it was time to face the one person in her family and she had thought she was ready until she was standing outside his apartment building and the guilt had started to creep in.

It’s with a flush of her cheeks that she realises she’s been silent too long, her eyes lingering on the face of the man as confusion crosses his features and she quickly nods her head, “Just… trying to clear my head, I guess.”

He slowly nods his head in return, his hands wrapped around the beer bottle before he smirks a little, “In this place?” He has a point, a chaotic bar with someone singing badly on the karaoke machine behind them, probably isn’t the place anyone else would come to _think_ but the real issue here is that she needs to _not_ think. She needs to just… take a moment to breathe because apparently the plane ride there wasn’t enough. “I can leave you alone if you want—”

He’s getting up and a part of her knows she should let him go because the last thing she needs to do is to risk pouring her heart out to a stranger but also… a little bit of company wouldn’t go amiss. Besides, she can see the exhaustion on his face and the way his shoulders are slumped as though the world hasn’t been too kind to him either and well… misery loves company, right? “You don’t have to, let me buy you another beer…” He tries to stop her but she’s already gotten the attention of the bartender before he can, pointing at his beer bottle and her glass before she turns back to him. “I’m Maddie, by the way.” Just Maddie, she decides, because the added complication of her not using the surname legally bestowed onto her when she had married her husband seems like a bit of a relief for right then. And Buckley… she doesn’t even remember who Maddie Buckley was, even if she wants to.

His smile is bright, lighting up his eyes when he moves his hand to hers and gives it a quick shake, “Howie.” And somehow, just like that, any part of her that had been thinking about what the hell she was going to tell her brother disappears. She’s laughing and she’s smiling and the man sitting there next to her is laughing right along with her and she feels… the closest to free she has in such a long time. He establishes early on that he doesn’t want to talk about work… it’s been a rough week, is all he says on the matter but somehow, the conversation flows and turns into shots of tequila and their arms wrapped around each other as they sing karaoke and somehow, she’s lost in a man she only knows as Howie who has lived in LA since he was five-years-old and was dumped by a woman he had proposed to whilst he was in the hospital after a car accident. That’s about as far as her knowledge of him and his life goes, the rest of the conversation resides around him telling her all about LA and the tourist hotspots and she somehow knows his favourite car but doesn’t know what he does for a living. She knows he loves Thai food but she couldn’t tell anyone what his surname is and she knows that he thinks a syrup filled coffee and sugary donut is the _best_ breakfast but she has no clue what his best friends name is.

She knows everything meaningless about him by the time they’re stumbling out of the bar, hand in hand as they laugh. Maddie couldn’t tell anyone if he has any family but she could tell them that his lips are soft against her own and that the slight rub of his stubble feels good against her chin when she wraps her arms around his shoulders to pull him even closer. As much but as little as she knows about him at the same time, she’s given him such limited information about her own life, keeping it casual, brief and fun. Actual, real-life fun for the first time in so damn long that he’d almost forgotten how it felt to just laugh. The kind of throw-your-head back, full on belly laugh kind that makes it hard to wipe the grin from her face, even more so when she pulls back and sees the dazed look on his face.

“I will get us a cab… if you want… or I can get you a cab—” He’s kind and considerate, that’s the first thing she had noticed about him between the light conversation and the jokes and the sarcastic sense of humour that had her sides hurting from laughing too hard. It’s probably the alcohol fuelling her right then or just the need to feel something beyond the constant guilt and depression that had consumed her for a period of time far longer than the last two months since her husband had died. Since she had killed her husband.

It’s easy to push those thoughts from her mind when his arms wrap around her waist and he’s looking at her without any expectations or pressure, just a nervous smile on his lips as he stumbles a little into her and their lips are pressed together once more before she can stop herself. “Cab—” She finally manages to get out when she pulls back, “Get us a cab.”

The clarification is enough for his eyes to light up, grinning before he’s practically running to the side of the road to wave his hand out, turning his head around to wink at her when he holds his other hand out for her and she gladly takes it when she steps forward. The regret may come later, but his lips move to her neck when a cab pulls up and she’s quick to forget, fingers moving to tangle through his hair as she grins. It feels good to feel wanted and even better to be wanted by someone she will probably never see again and who will never know anything about the drama that is her life.

She feels free for the first time in so long, her laughter loud and his grin wide when they pull back so he can open the door for them. Maybe she’ll have a clearer head tomorrow, when the hangover has passed and she can focus on seeing her brother for the first time in far too long. For now, she can get lost in the feeling of lips against her skin and a hand on her thigh the second they’re both sitting in the back of the cab and he utters his address to the driver.

Maddie can think of worse introductions to LA.

She's just not sure she feels the same way when, eight weeks later, she's hiding in the bathroom of her brother's apartment with a positive pregnancy test in her trembling hand. 


	2. Chapter 2

It’s strange, getting to know her brother all over again because in the past few years… he’s changed. There are still parts of the person she had grown up with, she can see it in the way he looks at her and how he wants to protect her. She can hear it in the way he laughs and how easy it is for them to fall into a routine where nothing really matters other than the two of them.

That’s how they keep it for a few weeks, Maddie is there when he leaves for work and when he comes back, not really willing to do anything other than look for a job and a chance of settling down with the person who has so willingly opened his arms for her despite the fact he’d probably felt abandoned for so long. They were all they had in the world, their parents had lost interest a long time ago and Maddie can remember every single time she promised Evan that he wouldn’t lose her too. He tells her he understands but she can see the pain in his eyes whenever he thinks about it.

She was his big sister and she had to protect him from the truth, from Doug and from himself. Yet, he was the first person she knew she had to run to when she couldn’t run from Hershey any longer. She’d put the house up for sale the second she had been released from the hospital, she had dealt with the police and the paperwork and everything else before she had given most of their things away to charity and packed up one suitcase full of her clothes and just… left. She said goodbye to the only life she had really ever known for the past sixteen years and never looked back.

Her little brother is all grown up and that thought never fails to make her smile when she looks at the twenty-eight-year-old sitting next to her, her feet on his lap as he keeps his eyes on the screen in front of them. She might not have spoken to him for three years but she hadn’t physically seen him for nearly six and it brings so much happiness to her to know that without her, he still made a life for himself. A good life, with friends and a job that he absolutely adores judging by the spark in his eyes every single time he mentions it and a roof over his head (that’s not even his but she can briefly ignore that) and he’s in a relationship (again… she chooses to ignore the fact that the woman isn’t even in the country and hasn’t been for months). She’s impressed and content in the knowledge that whilst she had felt stuck, life really did go on for other people.

“I can feel you thinking from here.” He’s smiling when he turns his head to look at her, blue eyes meeting with her own brown ones before she smiles at him and nods her head.

“Just thinking about how grown up you are. I’m so proud of you.”

“I’m twenty-eight, Maddie.” Despite his words and the roll of his eyes, she can still see the slight flush of his cheeks and the way he tries to stop himself from smiling because she knows that all he has ever wanted to is to make her (and her parents) proud. He’d probably given up on them a long time ago, maybe he had even given up on her too, along the way but she can feel them both healing even more every single day. It’s a relief to know that Doug didn’t completely destroy what she had with her brother, despite how much he had tried. “I’m proud of you too.” His own words are spoken slowly, eyes carefully watching her as though he’s wary of her reaction, perhaps rightfully judging by the way her heart starts to race and she shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

She can’t imagine what he could be proud of her for. She hadn’t left her husband, she had _tried_ , god… had she tried more than once. She’d more than likely still be there with him right then if things hadn’t happened the way they had. Maddie would still be living in Hershey, still flinching every single time her husband walked into a room, still wondering what the hell happened to the life she had once imagined for herself. As always, her brother is quick to pick up on the silence and the look on her face, hand moving over her bare foot as he gives it a tight squeeze, “You fought so damn hard to be here, Maddie, I wish you could see that.”

All she can do is give him a small smile, nodding her head ever so slightly as she chews down on her bottom lip, “I’ve decided to stick around…” She finally whispers, “I um, I’ve been offered a job at Olympia… I found a nice two bed apartment in Eagle Rock… I think I want to make LA home if that’s okay with you?” She knows the answer, even before he grins at her and nods his head, they are all the biological family they have in the world and she knows that they need each other even if they didn’t realise it before. More than anything else, she knows she’s going to need him if the three pregnancy tests she has hidden in her bag are anything to go by.

She hasn’t told him yet, barely able to admit it to herself because really, how stupid could she be? And she’s not entirely certain she is ready to hear it out loud from anyone other than herself. Maddie hadn’t even admitted to her brother that she had been in LA for about sixteen hours longer than it had taken for her to show up at his apartment door with two cups of coffee and a few blueberry muffins. How the hell was she meant to admit to him that she had unprotected sex with some stranger she knows nothing about other than his name was Howie and he was really good at karaoke? At thirty-five years old, she should have known better and consider herself lucky that a pregnancy was all she had come out of that encounter with, considering it was the one and only one-night stand she has ever had in her life.

With no father on the scene, in seven months, she’s _really_ going to need her brother.

“Does that mean you’re finally ready to meet my friends? It’s been two months… maybe I could ask one or two of them to help you move in? Ease you into it.” Big crowds felt more intimidating than they should, but she had grown accustomed over the last few years to being in an enforced bubble with just her and her husband. Friends had become few and far between, and the ones she did have left had felt… forbidden and secretive. And really, over the last two months, she’d allowed herself to fall into the same comfort zone of just her and one other person. Just her and her brother… and the little one growing inside of her, she supposes, just the size of an apricot at the moment but still very much present, all the same.

“One or two sounds good… for now. I’m sticking around, Ev—” He eyes her, “Buck, I’m staying right here, so there is all the time in the world to meet your friends.” She shifts a little to grab the hot chocolate lying on the side, almost forgotten, pulling it close to her chest as she remembers how much she misses coffee and wine and all that good stuff, finding relief in the fact that her brother has yet to point out the obvious change over the last few days. “Next week is when I move in, and then I start my new job the week after.” She hopes because she had yet to tell them of the most recent development and really, their Charge Nurse of Paediatrics needing time off in seven months might not go down too well.

“I’ll ask Eddie… Chimney, too. We’ll get you all moved in in no time.”

Maddie’s nose scrunches up before she rolls her eyes, “What kind of person is called _Chimney_? That’s ridiculous.”

Buck laughs, loudly, the kind when he throws his head back and she can’t help but laugh right along with him, knowing that her child is going to grow up knowing their uncle with the knowledge that men can be good. She hopes that’s enough for him or her, that they won’t hate her too much for not knowing anything about the man who had helped bring them into the world. LA is a big city, too big to search for a man called Howie who lives about a twenty-minute car ride from the bar she had found him at. Maybe she could go there and see if he ever turns up but she’s terrified of being forced into a decision she doesn’t want. She’s thirty-five-years-old, this might be her only chance to be a mother.

“He’s great… he and Eddie are great, I promise. You won’t have to lift a finger all day.” Maddie smiles, taking a sip of her drink before she sets it aside and then swings her legs over the edge of the couch, moving until she’s snuggled into her brother’s side and his arm wraps tightly around her shoulder. She’ll tell him when she’s ready and hope that he can forgive her for keeping another secret, just until she’s in the second trimester. “I’m lucky to have you.” He finally whispers, as her head rests on his shoulder and she bites down on her lip.

“We’re lucky to have each other.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Maddie, this is Chimney.”

She _hears_ her brother talking but it’s as though the world around her doesn’t exist when she’s looking into the eyes of the man she hasn’t seen in over two months. Maddie is almost certain she’s going to vomit and this time, not because of the morning sickness. Her heart is pounding and her palms feel clammy but somehow, she managed to force a smile. It’s probably more of a grimace, matched only by the look on this… Chimney’s face and if she _feels_ as though she’s going to vomit, he most certainly looks as though he is about to discard of whatever breakfast he had all over her new living room floor.

The silence is deafening, the tension can be cut with a knife and she can practically feel her brothers confusion with every passing moment until he clears his throat and wraps an arm around her shoulders. “She’s usually friendlier,” He says, with a laugh and a shrug but she can feel him pulling her back ever-so-slightly as though he’s protecting her, even if he has no idea what from beyond the obvious unease coming from both her and Chimney right then. “and Chimney is usually—”

Maddie doesn’t know what to do or what to say – should she pretend as though she doesn’t know him in front of her brother? Should she… confess everything or at least the fact that they’ve met before in fear that Buck might punch the person he considers to be like a brother to him? She can’t believe it, she’s barely been in LA for a few months and she’s already put a wedge between her brother and his found family without ever meaning to and really, was the world that small?

“Nice to meet you, _Chimney_.” She finally manages to get out, although it seems to be more of a squeak than anything else and he looks confused, for just a second until he realises what route she’s going down and he nods his head.

“And you, Maddie Buckley.” She’s standing in front of the man who is partly responsible for the life growing inside of her right then and he has no clue, no one else does and—the air around her is far too tight to even think for a second that she can just blurt it out. What was she meant to say? ‘I’m carrying your baby, but don’t worry, I don’t expect anything from you’ doesn’t really seem good enough. It was her body, her decision, right? And she was never going to seek out this ‘Howie’ anyway. She was going to be a single mom, she had accepted that the second she held the positive pregnancy tests in her hands and knew that she wasn’t going to throw what could be her one and only chance of being a mother away.

At thirty-five and after being married for thirteen years to man she had been dating since she was nineteen years old, she knew there was little to no chance of her finding love again. Doug had taken a piece of her she wasn’t sure she would ever be able to get back because being in a relationship meant trusting someone and feeling safe with them but that seemed all too impossible. There was only one man she felt comfortable and safe around and that was her brother and she knew he would help her when the time came.

The silence falls again and Buck’s arm drops from her shoulder, causing her to glance at him, frowning when she sees the frown on his face. He can be dense at times but there’s no denying that something is going on because right up until Chimney had walked in, she had been laughing and joking with Buck and Eddie. “Okay, do you two know each other because you’re both acting weird?”

Her cheeks flush and Chimney looks about ready to run away before she slowly nods her head, “I-I uh… uh—it’s… complicated?” There’s a lump in her throat, the taste of bile rising as she shakes her head and takes a step backwards, a little closer to the bottom of the stairs where she can run to the bathroom if needed. The answer isn’t going to be enough for her brother, she can tell by the look on his face but he also knows that she’s not about to blurt out whatever the hell is going on in front of everyone.

“We’ll talk later.” Buck finally settles on, a serious tone to his voice as his glare settles on Chimney. And she knows that it’s all going to come out when his two friends leave and the not-so-little secret she had been keeping. Maddie takes a breath, feeling more like a scolded child rather than his eldest sister as she stumbles her way up the stairs. She hadn’t planned on unpacking everything in her bedroom today but she’s definitely not leaving that room until it’s just her and her brother again.

.

Chimney should have known that the world truly was _that_ small. Of course the Maddie he had slept with after a little too much to drink one night two months ago would be Maddie _Buckley_ of all people. He feels like an idiot for not putting two and two together a lot sooner and he knows Hen is going to have an absolute field day when she finds out.

He wasn’t a stranger to one night stands but this was Buck’s sister. His eldest sister who had come to LA in the wake of her husband’s death after being abused by him for years according to Buck. And he’s the asshole who had gotten drunk with her and slept with her when she was vulnerable and sure, she had been the one to kiss him but it didn’t make him feel like any less of an asshole for sleeping with Buck’s _sister._

He’s staring at her and he can feel Eddie and Buck watching him and she looks absolutely terrified (of him? He sincerely hopes not) before she rushes up the stairs and he’s left to stand awkwardly in the middle of her apartment not entirely certain if he should leave or stay. She did need help moving in, Buck had asked him to set up the security cameras for her because even though her husband was dead, she was still having a hard time settling in especially at night and of course, living alone would only elevate that. The least he could do was help her to feel safe, right? And then avoid any situation that meant they would be alone together.

It’s just hard to keep his focus on anything other than what happened in the two months prior. He can remember bits and pieces, mostly the bits when her lips were on his and the pieces of her hands unbuckling his belt and he can remember getting to his apartment where one thing lead to the another. And then she was gone when he had opened his eyes the next morning and he knew he would never see her again, or at least… he thought he would never see her again because the information he knew about her was so little. He knew her first name, he knew that she really liked Greek food and that her favourite alcohol drink was rum and coke and that she had been a musical theatre nerd in high school.

For two people who had spent hours talking to each other, he really didn’t know anything. But now he knew one important piece of information, only it was far too late to take back anything they had already done. Maddie _Buckley._ Because of course, he couldn’t just have amazing sex with some random woman he would never see again, the universe wouldn’t allow such niceties. No, she just had to be someone who was important to someone who was important to him. Of course.

He busies himself for a few hours, silently wondering how long she’s going to stay hidden in the bedroom with the door closed, thinking about how the second this is done, he’s going to have to face Hen to at least get it all off his chest before all hell breaks loose. He knows damn sure that Maddie is going to be telling her brother tonight and Buck might kill him tomorrow. His last night on earth may as well be Hen laughing at him.

Chimney tries not to look when he hears the bedroom door open, knowing he looks about as embarrassed as she does despite the fact they’re two grown adults who slept together. She walks towards what he assumes is the bathroom before she stops, hands clenching over the balcony railing as she looks down at him. It’s just the two of them, Buck and Eddie had apparently made a job out of moving the couch from the van into the apartment because they’d been gone for at least the last twenty minutes whilst he finished up, although they could walk in at any second.

Maddie is looking at him and she’s every bit as beautiful as she was the night he had met her, with too much beer fuelling his decision to sit next to the only person in the bar who looked as sad and lonely as he did. She looks nervous and he wants to tell her that it’s fine, that they are both grown adults who have had sex and they can just move on from it. It’s no big deal, right? People have done a whole lot worse than have a little adult fun with one of their closest friends sister, he’s almost entirely certain of that much.

“I’m pregnant.”

Yeah, Buck is going to kill him.


	4. Chapter 4

Hen hasn’t stopped laughing for the last ten minutes. Since the words had fallen from his lips (sans the most important development that had left him high tailing it out of Maddie’s apartment the second he had time to process the words that had so suddenly, without warning, fallen from her lips), Hen had just laughed and laughed. She’d paused only to wipe her eyes and take a breath as though she was gasping for air before she started again.

“Hen—”

“Maddie _Buckley_. There are two million women in Los Angeles, and you sleep with a Buckley?” That’s enough to set her off again, snorting, the grin on her face wide and he knows for certain that the words that he wants to say out loud would so quickly wipe it off but he can’t. Not yet. He and Maddie slept together nine weeks ago which means she’s definitely still in the first trimester and judging by the fact Buck hadn’t mentioned it and she’d checked that the coast was clear before she had even uttered two words that changed his life, then he’s sure her brother doesn’t know either.

But Buck is going to kill him as soon as he finds out. And does he really owe Maddie anything? They’ve met twice, he’d only found out her surname today and—it’s his baby too, right? Maybe? He doesn’t want to be _that_ guy but he doesn’t know her, he doesn’t know what… or who… she does, so doesn’t he have every right to tell his best friend what’s going through his head right then? He’s sure as hell she’s going to be telling Buck everything, probably as he’s sitting in Hen’s right then.

“Hen.” That doesn’t get her attention, so he tries again, grabbing her beer bottle that she’s holding in her hand, “Hen—she’s pregnant.” And as he had expected, that’s enough to stop the laughter immediately. Her eyes widen and the smile drops and suddenly, the kitchen in the Wilson household is quiet for the first time since he arrived and he can feel his heart thumping uncomfortably against his chest with each passing second of silence that falls between them. He’s going to cry, he can feel it starting to bubble over as he thinks about it.

Maddie had told him on the night she’d never had a one night stand before and he had believed her then. But that didn’t mean she hadn’t had one since but then why would she tell _him_ that she was pregnant if not because the baby was his? He hadn’t even given her a chance to explain and he feels a pit of guilt in his stomach before he takes a breath. “I mean she told me, so it must be mine, right? She wouldn’t have—I don’t think she would have told me if it wasn’t mine? Because—why would she? She doesn’t seem—I don’t think she was—”

“Well, what did she say?” He can tell that she’s trying to take the diplomatic approach and sure, they’ll probably laugh about this one day but suddenly what had been a hilarious situation is now entirely serious because it involves bringing a life into the world. Not the way he had planned it because really… after Tatiana, he hadn’t even thought it was a possibility for him to be a father. But that was one thing he had always wanted; to be a father. To be a _good_ father.

“I-I uh—she said ‘I’m pregnant’ and then I kind of… came here.”

He’s sheepish in tone and face as he looks down and shakes his head. Running out of there had not been the best reaction in the world but it was all he could think to do. He had no words and he didn’t want to say the wrong thing because if he was about to be a father, he wasn’t about to ruin a relationship with the mother. It didn’t matter who she was or how little he knew about her, he’d never turn his back on his own child, even if his own father had made that look so easy.

Hen literally face palms, the sound of her hand slapping against her own face making him flinch before he waits for her to say something, gulping down the lump of bile in his throat as he just stares at the one woman who has only ever been honest with him. “So, let me get this straight,” Oh god, he takes a sip of his own beer to distract him from whatever is about to come, “you had unprotected sex with a stranger over two months ago… and that stranger turned out to be Buck’s sister _and_ is also pregnant with what may or may not be your child.” She takes a breath as he nods her head, “Let’s face it, the way your luck is going—the baby is yours, you’re having a Buckley baby.”

Chimney can tell by the way her voice cracks that she’s close to laughing again and it’s enough to make him groan, resting his own head in his hands as he shakes his head, “Oh god, what am I going to do?”

“I’ll tell you what you’re not gonna do,” He looks at her expectantly, “you’re not gonna sleep with any more women without asking their surname first.”

He watches as she gets up, moving to get the good stuff he knows she has hidden in the back of the cupboard because clearly beer isn’t quite hitting the right way but the tequila she’s pulling out? That’ll do. “Oh, and Chim?” Their eyes meet, hers alight with amusement as she grins, “Use a fucking condom next time.”

Yeah, he’s a dead man.

.

Chimney runs out of there before she can say anything else, not a word falling from his lips and if she had thought he was going to vomit before, he definitely looked as though he was the second her words had settled. Maddie is sure she can’t blame him, not sure what her reaction would have been if she were him so she’s not even angry, just… confused as to what it means or where she stands. Hopefully, he’s of the mind set that it’s her body, her choice but she also recognises that he has every right in the world to have a say. It’s his baby, too and even though he’s a stranger who means nothing to her, he means something to her brother and—if he has an opinion, she supposes she needs to listen.

If he even has one - he’d run out of her apartment so fast she never got the chance to tell him that it was his (although she’s sure he’s gotten that insinuation). God, why did she even have to blurt it out in the first place? It was just… she had spent hours hiding in her bedroom thinking about it until she simply couldn’t keep it in anymore. It’s not as though she could hide her little illegitimate baby from the 118 when they were pretty much all her brother talked about.

Maybe she could have been a little gentler though instead of ripping off the band aid in the way she had and she knows she’s going to have to confess everything to her brother because the way he’d practically thrown Eddie from her apartment the second the sofa was in was enough to let her know that he knew something was going on. She’s sitting on the bottom step as he stares at her and she knows he wants answers, she can see the confusion in his eyes and the way he’s trying to force her to meet his eyes when she wants to look anywhere other than him.

“I had sex.” Wow, delicate, she almost wants to slap herself as she groans and puts her head in her hands, elbows resting on her knees. “With Ho—Chimney. I had sex with Chimney the night before I came to see you because I was nervous and I went to a bar and I had a little too much to drink and so had he and we uh—we had sex.”

“Neither of you mentioned knowing each other.”

“We don’t. I didn’t tell him my surname and he told me his name was Howie, so when you said Chimney—I… I-I didn’t _know_ and he wouldn’t have known. I mean, maybe he should have but I don’t think I said I was new to town, I don’t know but clearly he didn’t put two and two together and—”

Buck looks angry for barely a second before the idea must cross his mind that she’s in her thirties and he’s only just gotten her back and she knows he’s been tip toeing around her at times to make sure that she knows she’s loved and she’s wanted there. She sighs, finally daring herself to make eye contact with him, wondering what the hell is going through his mind as his cheeks redden and his fists clench. “I’m an adult—”

“I know that.”

“And we didn’t know…”

“I know—” Still, the words are said through gritted teeth and she knows he just wants to protect her but Howie-Chimney… whatever his name is, had never purposely set out to hurt anyone. They were just two drunk idiots having a bit too much fun together and they had never counted on seeing each other again.

“Buck?” Her voice is barely a whisper, the tears about to fall as her bottom lip trembles and that’s enough at least, to his fists to unclench and a tear falls down his own face and she realises that he thinks her fear is because of him, because of everything she went through. She’s quick to shake her head, a hand falling to her stomach, “I-I’m pregnant.”

Maddie expects her brother to run out of there to find his friend but instead, he’s on his knees in front of her, grabbing one of her hands in his own, “You’re—you’re having his baby?” She nods to confirm, sniffing when the tears start to fall and the sob that falls from her lips is enough to make Buck wrap both his arms tightly around her, pulling her into his body before she wraps her own around him. “It’s okay, Maddie, it’s going to be okay. I’m going to kill him, but you’re going to be okay.”

“Are you sure? Your friend probably hates me.”

“Chimney will do the right thing, he’s a good person… after I kill him.” She chooses to believe him, even though she’s not sure what the ‘right thing’ is because she’s not entirely certain she wants to force someone into raising a child they never expected. But as long as she hasn’t completely ruined what Buck has with the 118, that’s something. She hopes.


	5. Chapter 5

Gossip spreads around the station like wildfire. That’s why Chimney supposes he shouldn’t be shocked when he walks into work the next day and people are looking at him. Hen is right there with him, with the promise that she wouldn’t let Buck hurt him too much (he tries not to worry about the wording of that) but whatever storm is about to hit him, he doesn’t even feel half-prepared for.

He’s slow to walk towards the locker room, glancing over at his best friend who probably drank just as much as he had the night before in solidarity, yet seems absolutely fine. As if being at the station wasn’t going to be hard enough today, his head is spinning and there’s a lump of vomit in his throat that simply won’t shift.

Only Eddie is there, for now, buttoning up his shirt whilst Chimney had the foresight to come to work in his uniform just in case Buck tried to attack him in the locker room. Hen told him he was just being paranoid, that as angry as he thought Buck would be, he’s exaggerating it in his own head by ten times at least. Part of him hopes that she’s right but judging by the redness of Buck’s cheeks and the glare in his eyes when he storms into the room just a few minutes later, he suspects that, for once, Hen might be wrong.

As much as gossip spreads like wildfire at the station, they’re also like moths to a flame when they get even a slight sniff of a fight. There’s a crowd forming before he can even get any words out and he doesn’t know if he’s even more embarrassed or grateful when he realises that the crowd has drawn the attention of Bobby. “Buck—I can… explain.” Could he? It’s not as though he set out to sleep with his sister and besides, he was forty-two years old and Maddie was a woman in her thirties. They were adults who made a spur of the moment decision in the midst of too much to drink and a little chemistry between them. He never felt more like a child than he did right then under the look of the youngest Buckley, as though he had done something _wrong_.

“Well?” Oh. It seems as though Buck is going to give him a chance to explain instead of going right for the punch, although he can see his fists clenched and really, he doesn’t have an actual explanation, he’d just been delaying the inevitable.

“Right. Uh, well…” Chimney finds himself looking awkwardly at Hen who only looks as though she’s resisting the urge to smirk and roll her eyes whilst Bobby slips into the room through the door Buck had walked through. They could cut the tension with a knife, he takes a breath, trying to remember a time when he’d been put into such an awkward position before he shakes his head, “I didn’t know she was… _your_ Maddie. I-I just—I didn’t know and if I had, maybe I would have done things differently—”

“Maybe?” Wrong thing to say. He tries not to take a step back when Buck takes a step towards him because he’s not done anything wrong. Stupid, definitely but not wrong. “You got my sister pregnant!” Chimney feels bad, he really does, not just about the fact that he had unintentionally (with her help) put her in that position in the first place but also about the fact it’s been spread around the station within a matter of twenty-four hours. “I can’t fucking believe this. I-I’ve had her back for two months and…”

Chimney doesn’t know what to say or what to do as he takes a deep, trembling breath. He’s terrified, too and he knows Maddie must be and Buck is, too because it had meant the world to him to have his sister back after three years of not hearing from her at all. He knows how much of a shock it was for the younger man, how difficult it had been for him to push aside everything he felt and be there for his sister and if Chimney had known—things would have been different. He hadn’t thought anything of it beyond wishing he had gotten the beautiful stranger’s number, completely unaware she was so close this entire time.

“I know I can’t fix anything right now and you have every right to be angry at me,” Taking the diplomatic approach seems to be for the best, for now as he chews a little aggressively on the gum in his mouth, “but I’ll support your sister whatever she chooses.”

“She’s keeping the baby.” The words are spat out and whilst he had known it was a possibility, it still feels like a blow to the stomach as he stumbles back a little and nods his head. She’s keeping the baby, his baby… _their_ baby and he’s going to be a parent with a woman he doesn’t know beyond a few bits and pieces he’d gotten from Buck about her before he knew exactly who she was. This wasn’t the plan, this wasn’t how he was meant to become a father.

“I-I think I’m going to be sick.” He almost makes it to the waste basket in the corner of the room in time, _almost._

.

Maddie is surprised when she opens the door to a rather pale looking Chimney a few hours after her brother had left for work, still in his uniform and a sheepish smile on his face as she looks at him, “So, I didn’t have the best reaction yesterday and I wish I had done better.” It takes her a moment to answer, examining his face to check for any obvious signs of bruising, even though her brother had promised her he wouldn’t punch the father of her unborn child. She knows Buck well enough to know that, whilst he’s not a violet person, sometimes he doesn’t think beyond just… _doing._

And he was angry when he left the apartment that morning, insisting on staying the night with her even though she insisted she’d be okay. It’s a difficult situation for anyone to be in – Buck feels as though he owes her some of debt for not realising what her marriage was really like behind closed doors, although she had done everything she could (including not talking to him for three years) to protect him from it. He’s protective, he always has been but it’s intense, even more so than he had been when he was a teenager. And most of all, he’s just terrified that she isn’t ready to be a mother amidst everything else. She still has therapy, there’s still an inexplicable amount of trauma surrounding everything that had happened in her life with Doug and then his death.

LA was meant to be a fresh start, a new chapter in her life but now she was having a baby with a man she didn’t know and didn’t love and whilst it wasn’t the end of the world, it was still a shock. It was a brand new life and she and Buck knew how it felt to have absent parents, cold and unloving at times… that wasn’t the kind of life either of them had imagined their any future Buckley children. It was why she had never actively tried with her husband and she suspects its part of the reason why Buck can’t settle down with someone.

“I shouldn’t have just blurted it out like I did and you should know… I don’t expect anything from you but I do want to keep this baby.” It’s awkward, she feels so incredibly awkward as her grip tightens on the door and she just stares at the man in front of her, remembering how much he had made her laugh and smile that night in the bar.

Chimney nods, lifting up the plastic bag and a DVD he holds in his hand, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment before he smiles at her, “I brought Chinese food and a movie called Knocked Up… which probably isn’t as funny as I thought it was now that I’m standing in front of you.” His nose scrunches up as he looks at the DVD cover, Maddie letting out a snort of laughter before her grip on the door loosens and she finds herself stepping back to let him in.

It’s not until the door shuts behind him that she turns to look at him, their dark eyes meeting as she chews down on her bottom lip, trying to find the words, “I know it’s probably too late to start again but—” It’s with a breath that she extends a slightly trembling hand towards him, “I’m Maddie Buckley. Paediatric Charge Nurse and older sister of a firefighter called Evan Buckley, I don’t know if you’ve heard of him?”

Both of them laugh when his hand moves to hers, shaking hands, “Howie Han but my friends call me Chimney for reasons I might tell you one day if you’re lucky. Firefighter Paramedic at the 118.”

“Oh, my brother has already told me that story.” She smirks at him, giggling at the blush on his cheeks when she takes the bag of food from him. “Are you staying to watch the movie with me?”

It takes him a moment to shake off his embarrassment before he nods his head, “I would love that.” His smile reminds her of the first night they had met, a sparkle in his eyes that she had found endearing that very first time and now is enough to bring her comfort in the knowledge that she’s not alone. And Chimney doesn’t seem like a bad guy, as angry as Buck was at him (at both of them), not once did he ever say anything awful about the paramedic he had worked with for a few years now.

She’s still terrified, still so unsure she’s ready to be a mother and she can see that in Chimney’s eyes and in her brother’s eyes, too but this is the situation they’re in. And the man, whilst still a stranger to her, seems decent and kind and they had seven more months to get to know each other and figure out how to co-parent a child neither of them had expected or planned, not with each other, anyway. They’ll have to talk about it, she knows that much but—he looks (and smells) a little worse for wear and she’s been up most of the night throwing up and listening to her brother tell her random things about Chimney that made her laugh, some stories made her cry like how he could have died in a car accident a year ago.

They had time to talk, now that she knew who the mysterious Howie was and for the first time since she had found out, she had woken up that morning knowing that she was going to be a single mom but she wouldn’t be _alone_. Not truly. Not with Chimney and Buck and probably the rest of the 118 by their sides if the stories were anything to go by. Maddie smiles as she pulls all the food from the bag, wondering if he just bought the entire menu as she peeks around the corner to see him awkwardly sitting on the edge of the couch as though he doesn’t know what to do or where to sit. He’s cute, in that awkward kind of way.

It’s with a chuckle that she shakes her head, the world really could be a small place.


	6. Chapter 6

Things at the station are awkward… to say the least. It’s been that way for a few weeks and it’s clear that people are taking sides. He wishes he didn’t feel so bitter about the tension, especially between him and Buck because sure, he fucked up but not on purpose. Eddie sits on one side of the station with Buck, most of the time, when the youngest firefighter isn’t throwing punches at the punching bag that Chimney is sure he imagines is his face.

Hen obviously stands by him, no questions asked, just as he had done for her the year before even when she felt unworthy of it, too. Their Captain is stuck in the middle of it all, trying to bridge the gap that’s so clearly formed between the two sides of the feud members of the 118 have decided to take. Buck has said no more than two words to him outside of calls and at first, that felt like more of a relief but the more time that passes, Chimney knows they have to talk about it one day. Even if Buck hates him for the rest of his life, they’re inexplicably tied by something beyond their family at the station. There’s a baby involved now, a baby that’s half Buckley and half Han and in six months, they’ll make their way into a world that shouldn’t be quite as terrifying as it was right then.

At this point, he would even take Buck screaming at him if it meant they could move on from it all.

The sound of a bowl being slammed down onto the table pulls him from his thoughts, his eyes torn away from the sonogram Maddie had given him just two weeks ago. He can’t think of a time he’s ever seen Bobby angry before, his cheeks red and his eyes wide as he moves his head from one side of the room to the other. Buck and Eddie have stopped talking, Hen has looked up from her book and a few other firefighters have been pulled away from their game of pool to look at the Captain. “This ends now.”

Maybe Bobby could read his mind, or maybe he’d just reached his limit because they were meant to be a family and a part of that involved eating as a family which was something they had been severely lacking in lately. He wants it to be over, too, he wants things to be normal again because really, things are awkward enough between he and Maddie and they don’t need the added tension between him and Buck, too.

“Cap—”

“No. We’re all sitting around this table to eat, we’re a _family_ , it’s time you all started acting like it.” Chimney knows he’s right, it’s what he wants too because he was fed up of having to tip-toe around the fact that Maddie was pregnant or having to make sure he wasn’t at her apartment the same time as her brother. He’d found himself talking about in the locker room a few days before, but the conversation had been quick to die off the second Buck had walked in and this wasn’t easy on anyone, this wasn’t the plan when he had slept with a stranger a few months before. Their tension is only making it ten times harder than it already is and if he’s honest with himself, Chimney misses his friend. He misses the banter and how during a twenty-four hour shift, Buck was usually the only one who would stay up with him because they always had difficulty sleeping in the bunks.

There’s no room for argument as he tucks the first glimpse of his child into his jacket pocket, sitting down next to Hen as Buck and Eddie sit across from them. “I know it’s been a rough few weeks, “Bobby is standing at the head of the table as he talks, his voice calm but his face determined when he looks at each of them before his gaze seems to settle between both Buck and Chimney, “I know you’ve both had a shock and that Buck, you were excited to get your sister back but this doesn’t take away from that. You just get even more family than you thought you were. I’m sure this—” He gestures between them, “isn’t helping anything. Not for yourselves, not for Maddie and not for us.”

Chimney looks over at the person he’d considered to be like a brother to him, relieved to see that he at least has a look of shame on his face that he is sure matches his own. The last thing he ever wanted was to be the cause of drama at the 118, it wasn’t his style. He was usually the mediator, not the instigator.

“Maddie likes you, she said you’ve been her rock.” Buck is the first to break the silence, a frown on his face before he reaches for the bread in the middle of the table, shrugging his shoulders as he does. “I still think you’re stupid, but she is, too.”

“I know.”

“I guess I could be a little more supportive, Maddie seems happy with her decision.” Chimney nods his head in agreement, clenching his fists in an attempt to stop himself from smiling at the thought of how glowing Maddie had looked when he’d seen her just a few days before. She wasn’t showing yet, at only fourteen weeks pregnant but her hand moved to her stomach and her eyes lit up when he’d handed her a baby name book. He wasn’t sure what kind of father he would be, not after having an absent one of his own but he knew she would be an amazing mother, there was not a single doubt in his mind.

Chimney takes a breath, watching as Bobby moves to settle down in his own seat, smiling at the sight of them eating like a family again for the first time in a month. “I-I’m happy too, shocked but—happy.” It earns him a nod, at least, and the traces of a smile from Buck before he’s shovelling some food in his mouth and it’s probably the most normal things have felt in so long.

He’s quick to grab some food of his own, knowing this was a much better (and cheaper) alternative to sneaking off to the coffee shop around the corner to avoid dinner time as he had been doing. “So, when are you gonna ask my sister on a date?”

He chokes on the piece of bread in his mouth, grateful when Hen is slapping on his back barely a few seconds later. He supposes to tension being eased was nice whilst it lasted.

.

“Wait, you’re seriously not going to even ask this guy out on a date?”

Maddie rolls her eyes at her new friend and colleague, shaking her head as she does, “I’m sorry, what year is this?” It’s not the first time she’s been asked the question, or the first time it’s even been suggested to her as a possibility and sure, Chimney is sweet and he’s kind but her marriage was traumatic to say the least and her husband hasn’t even been dead for half a year yet. She’s not ready for that, not yet and maybe not ever. She wants to be the best mom she possibly can be and if she’s focused on trying to be a good girlfriend, too and also a good sister, a good nurse, a good… therapy patient. It’s all too much, too soon and thankfully, Chimney seems to be the only one who hasn’t said it as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Josh grins at her as he sits down, shrugging his shoulders, “You’re gorgeous, he’s cute, he brings you hot chocolate—” He gestures to the cup she’s still holding from Chimney, after he’d dropped off a patient and ran to the hospital coffee shop to grab her something to eat and drink before he had to shoot off. “and he’s a firefighter, which is hot—”

Her nose scrunches up at that one, shaking her head, “Okay, being a firefighter does not make him hot. Gross.” She moves to sit down, gently picking at the toasted sandwich he’d grabbed for her, smiling a little before she looks up at her fellow nurse, “I’m just not ready. I was married for a long time to a man who—” She’s not ashamed, she knows she shouldn’t be ashamed but the words still get caught in her throat, “it wasn’t a happy marriage, especially not for the past few years and I know he’s dead and I know I have an opportunity to move on but it’s still there, you know?”

The hand on top of hers makes her smile, alongside the understanding in Josh’s eyes and the smile on his lips, “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, I was only teasing. You and Chimney are going to be good parents, no matter what.” She hopes so, she loves kids more than anything and the little life growing inside of her gives her something to fight for and a little slice of hope in a time when she needed it more than she could ever put into words.

There’s silence for a few minutes whilst she takes the time to eat and actually drink something. She loved her job but it was exhausting and she was on her feet all day, not to mention she was trying to make the best impression she possibly could because the guilt was still there that she had to go on maternity in a few months, although everyone promised her it was fine. “He is pretty sweet.” She finally whispers, staring down at the half eaten sandwich, and the cup of white hot chocolate that he absolutely didn’t have to take time out of his day to get for her but there he was, with that lop-sided grin she adored and a shy flush of his cheeks as he did.

“Right? And oh my god, that scar on his forehead just adds to the whole look he has going.”

Maddie giggles, not voicing out loud how much she loved that scar because it was a reminder that he had survived something that seemed impossible. “And his hair is just as soft as it looks, too.” The soft giggles turn into laughter at the excitement on her friends face when he leans forward, his eyes wide and his smile even more so, his own hands wrapped around his mug as he laughs with her.

“That baby is going to be freaking adorable.”

A hand drops to her stomach as she grins, nodding her head in agreement, “I can’t wait to meet them.”

“I can’t wait to spoil the little bean, Uncle Josh is going to be the best.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of canon-themed violence and blood.

Maddie rests a hand on her bump before she looks around, smiling to herself. Six months ago when she had made the decision to pack up everything she knew in Hershey and finally go see her brother after so long, she couldn’t have imagined how her life was going to turn out. It wasn’t perfect, not by any means; she has therapy and nightmares, she still jumps when she hears someone shouting. It’s not _perfect_ but it’s the closest to happiness she has felt in such a long time.

It was kind of Hen and Karen to host a baby shower for both her and Chimney. Maddie had quickly learnt that Hen and Chimney were the best of friends who did everything together, both inside and outside of work. It meant that she and Karen had the opportunity to become firm friends, the four of them spending every Friday night that the 118 weren’t on shift, together. It was nice, it had been a long time since Maddie had had any friends, let alone a group of people who seemed so invested in Chimney’s happiness, and her own.

“You look amazing.” Chimney is smiling shyly at her as he holds out a glass of lemonade for her and Maddie is embarrassed by the sound that falls from her lips when she blushes and looks down. She didn’t feel amazing, most of the time, with the heartburn and the swollen ankles and fingers that meant she could no longer wear her favourite boots or her rings. Yet, somehow, she believes every word that falls from Chimney’s lips, gently rubbing circles on her twenty-six-week bump before she takes a sip of the drink to stop herself from smiling like a complete idiot at him.

The two of them had made the decision together to not find out the sex at the scan a few weeks before. Maddie wasn’t usually one for surprises but it seemed like the right decision. It didn’t matter to either of them and she was kind of enjoying all the gender-neutral gifts they’d gotten and the neutral names they had thrown back and forth every so often. The baby was still very much just ‘bean’ at the moment but they would get there. Chimney was very much of the belief that a name would just come to them the second they meet their baby for the first time and she finds herself agreeing. Maddie had always been a planner for as long as she could remember but Chimney was helping her see the magic in not knowing every bit of information, for once.

“You don’t look too bad yourself.” He grins at her and she resists the urge to roll her eyes at herself when her heart starts to thump a little faster. “Have you seen the pool they’ve started about whether bean is a boy or a girl?”

“Yeah, I think it’s only Bobby and Eddie who have put down boy.” His hand moves to her stomach when she flinches a little, the hard kick of their baby perfectly timed with his words, making her wonder for a second if it was a coincidence or if maybe Bobby and Eddie were right. “Boy or girl, I think we should get them into soccer, that kick is something.” She had never imagined a life full of so much love but she can see it in his eyes when he lifts his other hand to her bump with an amazed look on his face. It doesn’t matter how many times he’s felt their son or daughter kick, he still looks as though it’s the first time.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go for dinner with me?” The question is blurted from her mouth before she can even process the words, blushing when he steps back in what she assumes to be shock and not disgust. He’d been good at never imposing on her boundaries, she had never once felt pressured or as though this was the only way their story could end up. They’re having a baby together but there’s also chemistry there that she wants to explore after talking it through with her therapist (and Josh) more than a handful of times. It’s probably only been a few seconds but it feels like minutes have passed before she continues, when the silence and the opening and closing of his mouth becomes a little too much, “I-I uh—like a date? I mean, I know we’ve gone for dinner before and I know I’m nearly seven months pregnant so this probably isn’t the ideal time and maybe forget that I asked because you clearly don’t have to. I’m sure you have better things to—”

“No, I’d love to.” Thankfully he cuts her off before she can continue embarrassing herself anymore than she already has. “We can go to that really nice Asian fusion place you’re always talking about.”

“Okay, awesome. That’s—” They both laugh, her cheeks reddening even more by the second before she leans forward to press her lips against his cheek, “Come on, we have a cake to cut and that icing is calling my name.”

She laughs when he extends his elbow, hooking her arm through it before they walk towards where the crowd is forming, “You and bean can have all the icing you want.”

.

Maddie had learnt a long time ago that happiness is often short and sweet. It’s not the greatest life lesson anyone wants to learn, it’s hardly comforting in a world where she had already suffered so much. Maybe she got too complacent in LA, maybe she stopped realising that just because she was a good person, didn’t mean only good things could happen to her. Everything was going… _great_. Their baby was healthy, she was starting to feel free again, therapy was helping and her job was amazing, Josh had so quickly become her best friend and she had more people in her life than she ever had before.

Life was good. Too good.

So, she supposes she could have expected the blow. She had been getting ready for their first date, which sounded crazy when she thought about it, considering she had been carrying his baby for almost seven months. And now she was sitting in a hospital waiting room, still wearing the tight-fitting black dress she had chosen that showed off the bump she was so proud of. Growing a child was everything she had ever imagined it to be and so much more.

“He’s going to be okay.” Hen repeats, as she has done on and off for the last few hours. Maddie had heard it on repeat from the various people around her, that it was Chimney and he was a superhero and that he would fight. She wants to believe them, she wants to believe in him but it’s hard to do when he’s fighting for his life in surgery for the second time in under two years and all hope seems lost.

They were supposed to be going on their first date, he was supposed to be making her laugh and smile instead of—Maddie shakes her head as though to rid herself of the thoughts. He couldn’t die, he was about to become a father and he was so excited. He deserved a lot better than dying at the hands of some angry patient’s husband. All he had ever wanted to do was help people, that was one of the things she had grown to love about him – he was an amazing paramedic, an even better human being and he was going to be a wonderful father. He was _going to be_ , she had to keep telling herself that.

Maddie takes a breath as she bites down on her lip, feeling the gentle kicks of their son or daughter as though they know something is wrong. Karen’s hand is on her back, rubbing circles whilst Buck kneels in front of her, both his hands on her knees in an attempt to comfort her. “Tonight was meant to be a fresh start.” It’s the first thing she’s said since she sat down after Karen had picked her up in a rush to get to the hospital the second the news had made its way around the station. “We were meant to get a do-over.”

Her voice cracks and she shakes her head, looking up to see the now dried blood on Hen’s top before she takes a breath. “I don’t understand why this happened to him, he’s a good person, why would anyone want to hurt him?”

“He uh— _we_ lost a patient a few days ago, there was a car accident and uh—her chances were low before we even got there and then on the way to the hospital she crashed, we couldn’t get her back. The husband was—god, I should have known how angry he was, he pushed Chimney, he screamed at him… I should have thought more about it but we had another call and then shift ended and…” Maddie can see the guilt on the woman’s face, leaning over to take her hand in her own as she shakes her head.

“It’s not your fault, you couldn’t have predicted this.”

“He was outside the station waiting for Chimney and he was in a rush because he was so excited, he was ahead of me. I was wishing him luck and then—then he stabbed him. I couldn’t get there in time but I recognised him before he ran off. We got him here as quickly as we could—”

Maddie gulps, holding back tears of her own as she squeezes his best friends hand, “You were right before, he’s going to be okay. I mean—he survived a rebar through the skull, he’s special. He’s so special, he’s gonna be okay. There’s no one in the world like him, little bean deserves to know their daddy.” There are murmurs of agreement around her, Hen’s hand pulling from her own to rest on her stomach instead before they all fall into a comfortable silence.

“Sebastian or Dorothy – Dotty – those are the names we’ve settled on.” They had decided to wait until they met him or her in two months time to tell everyone else but now seemed a good time as any. Sebastian had just been the two of them throwing around names and they had smiled at each other, knowing that was the one. Dorothy was Chimney’s mothers name, who had died when he was fourteen. He’d asked Maddie shyly if they could use it as a middle name and she can remember how embarrassed he was at the time because it’s not exactly the most modern name but Dotty just felt _right_.

“Those are perfect names, Maddie.” Bobby’s voice sounds heavy with tears as she looks over at him, giving him a small smile as she nods her head. Their baby will get a chance to meet their dad, she just knows it in her heart. It’s just a bad day, not a bad life. She has just to remember that.


	8. Chapter 8

“Are you in love with Chimney?” 

The question takes her by surprise, even more so when she’s looking at the person who said it, eyes lingering over their face for a second as she tries to decipher her own feelings. Does she love him? She’s barely known him anytime at all, not in the grand scheme of things and even if she did, had it been enough time since her husband had passed? Sure, she hadn’t loved Doug in a long time but if she was honest with herself, she was worried about the judgement.

Then again, Maddie glances down at her swollen stomach, rubbing gentle circles as she feels their baby kick. She had arrived in LA almost seven months ago, her husband had been dead for nine months, one week and three days. She still remembered that day, still felt the terror and the desire she had to live. The fight she had found that day within her had been something she had clung to for the entire drive to where she knew her brother was. Ending up in the bar had been a mistake but when she’s feeling the little life growing inside of her and finding herself surrounded by so many wonderful people, including the man she had met that night, it starts to feel less and less like a mistake and more like serendipity. 

A few moments have passed since the question was asked and Maddie finally glances up at the Captain, biting down on her lip. It had just been the two of them in the hospital room for the past ten minutes, after Karen had finally convinced Hen to go with her to grab everyone some breakfast and Buck had gone to Chimney’s apartment to grab him a few bits. He was going to be okay, he had pulled through… again. And Maddie couldn’t help but allow her thoughts to be consumed with the fact that life was fragile and fleeting and she needed to hold onto the good things whilst she could. But also, she was terrified of rushing into something she wasn’t ready for. The last thing in the world that Chimney deserved was being let down by anyone, especially not by her. He had already been through so much, she didn’t want to be the latest in a long line of regrets or disappointments for him. 

“I’m sorry if that question was… too personal.” Obviously the lack of an answer had gotten too much for the man and she can’t blame him, as her eyes go between him, the sleeping man in the bed and then back down at her stomach. “You don’t have to answer, I shouldn’t have asked.” 

“You’re his family, you had every right to ask.” After all, she had been such a huge part of Chimney’s life since they had found out that they were about to be an even bigger part of each other’s lives than they could have ever anticipated when Buck had introduced her to one of his colleagues. “I… I don’t know if I am ready to feel that way again. I don’t know how much my brother told you about my husband but it was bad. I’m still in therapy, I still have nightmares, I-I still… jump at sudden movements and I panic at loud noises. I…” She frowns as she reaches out for his hand, limp in her own, holding onto it tightly, “I have gotten to know him over the last few months, I feel like I’m still learning a lot about him, you know? But the one thing I do know, without question, is that as terrified as I am about being a mother… there is no one else in this world I would rather do this with.” 

There’s silence for a moment, as she stares at the sleeping man’s face, knowing he’s going to be okay but not sure she can really feel that way until he opens his eyes. “I was married to my husband for sixteen years and every single time I thought about bringing a child into this world with him, it filled me with this awful sense of dread. I just…  _ knew _ that I would regret it, that I would be alone... and then I came to LA and I met some handsome stranger in a bar with the most dazzling smile I’ve ever seen and… I made what I thought was a terrifying mistake and then,” Maddie looks up at Bobby, biting down on her lip when she sees tears pouring down his face, as they are her own, before she smiles, “then… two months later he walks into my apartment and my brother is introducing him as  _ Chimney _ and…” It’s with a laugh that she shakes her head, wiping at the tears with the hand that isn’t holding Chimney’s. “I’ve not looked back since.” 

“If there is anything you need to know about Chimney, it’s that he is fiercely loyal and I-I have never seen him happier than he has been over the last few months.” She takes a breath as she looks at Bobby’s face, seeing nothing but honesty in his eyes as she brings Chimney’s hand to her lips and gently presses a kiss to his knuckles. 

“I think I’m scared that we’ll ruin what we have now if we try something different and it goes wrong. And I’m worried that maybe a part of me thinks that I should try to be in a relationship with him because we’re having a baby together. Maybe I’m doing it for the wrong reasons.” 

The other man moves slowly to sit down in the chair on the other side of the bed, and she can tell he’s contemplating her words for a second until he nods, “When my wife and my children died, I didn’t think happiness would ever be possible. I punished myself for a long time, I… had a plan that involved helping as many people as I possibly could before… well, before I joined them.” Maddie gulps at that, remembering lying on the bathroom floor of the house she had shared with her husband so many times, wondering if it would be easier or better for her if she could just end it herself. “And then I came to LA and I met Chimney and Hen and eventually, your brother and Eddie and… they showed me what a family is. Chimney, especially… he made me see there were other ways to help other than destroying myself. And then I met Athena and sometimes I don’t feel deserving, sometimes I think I shouldn’t be allowed to have this beautiful life when… there are so many people who don’t get that chance. But we get one life, Maddie, one chance and you have to learn to trust yourself.” 

Buck had told her the story of Captain Nash and his life before he came to LA, she can’t imagine how difficult it must have been to even process the idea of starting over, essentially moving on but never forgetting, maybe even never forgiving himself. She gulps down the lump in her throat as she wipes at the tears that continue to fall despite her efforts, taking a breath when she nods her head, finally giving him an answer to the question that started it all, “I don’t know if I’m in love with him but… I know that I want that with him... “ She presses her hand to her stomach, “with both of them.”

Her thumb brushes along each of his knuckles as she stares down at his hand, safe in the knowledge that he would never hurt her, that the hand she’s currently holding would never touch her in the same way her husband’s had. The child growing inside of her was going to be so loved and so protected. “He really is going to be a wonderful dad… we’re so lucky to have him.” 

“I’m the lucky one.” It takes a moment for the words to settle in and for her to realise that his eyes are open and his hand is squeezing hers. Bobby is quick to stand up, even quicker to rush out that he’s going to grab a doctor before he walks out of the room and she moves to stand up, the tears pouring down her face once again as she lets out a teary laugh, pulling her hand from his to press her hand to his forehead instead. 

“You’re awake.” 

“Am I? Look like a beautiful angel.” There’s a drawl to his voice as he struggles to keep his eyes open, grinning up at her when she laughs, grateful that the pain medication was working.

Her fingers brush through his hair, moving her other hand down to grab his and press it against her stomach when their baby starts to kick, as though he or she knows right then that their daddy has opened those beautiful eyes that she loves so much. “We are so glad you’re alive, thank you for fighting, I have no idea what we would do without you.” 

“Missed our date.” 

Maddie’s bottom lip trembles, leaning down to gently nudge her nose against his before she gathers every ounce of confidence within her to press her lips to his. They hadn’t kissed since their heated exchange the first night they had met and that had been a mess of trying to tear each other’s clothes off, the taste of alcohol lingering on their lips. This time, her lips are soft against his, her tears falling onto his skin before she pulls back a little and places her hand on his cheek, “I guess you’ll have to make it up to me when you’re out of here, huh?” 

“I’m gonna wine and dine you, Madeline Buckley.” And then his eyes close and he’s asleep once more, but this time with a smile on his face as Bobby walks back in with a doctor and a nurse not too far behind him. 

“He’s going to be okay.” She whispers when she pulls back, hands dropping to her side when she glances at the kind face of the man who hadn’t left Chimney’s side since they had been allowed into his room the night before. “H-he’s gonna be okay.” 

They’re all a family, she’s reminded of that when Bobby wraps his arms around her, immediately wrapping her arms around his waist as she sobs and hides her face in his chest, emotions crumpling from everything she had been holding back from the moment she had thought, for even a second, that she would have to live in a world without the man who had given her so much happiness in such a short period of time. “You’re okay, you’re both going to be okay.” Bobby whispers, gently rocking her body as she cries, reminding Maddie, not for the first time and most definitely not for the last, that the family she had found with Chimney and with her brother was so more than she could have ever anticipated when she had first moved to LA. 

It was the best decision she had ever made.


	9. Chapter 9

It’s a mixture of their babies impending arrival and Chimney’s most recent near-death experience that leads to Maddie truly starting to question everything. It’s an internal conflict, bouncing back and forth between whether it was too soon to move on or whether she should embrace her new life. When she had made the decision to go to LA and to find her little brother, she had never expected him to welcome her with open arms, she’d been terrified that he would hate her, that she wouldn’t find the forgiveness and acceptance she had been looking for. And now, eight months later, she finds herself with this huge family and a man who looks at her as though she’s just hung the moon and a baby growing inside of her. 

It’s all terribly rushed, she supposes, unintentionally so and yet, as she feels their daughter or their son kicking against their daddy’s hand as he looks at her bump in awe as he always does, she’s not sure she would have it any other way. It would be easy to argue that she was still dealing with the trauma that had been her life before, that maybe she wasn’t ready to be a good mother until she truly dealt with all of that but… it was also easy to argue that being pregnant had forced her to confront that trauma in a different way. She’d been forced to admit a few truths to herself and try and piece together how she really feels. Maybe she wouldn’t have had the motivation to do that if not for the fact she wanted to give her child the best chance of an amazing life from the very beginning. 

“Just three weeks and six days until your due date.” She’d seen the countdown on his calendar, each day crossed off, getting a little closer to meeting the little human growing inside of her. “Hopefully they’ll be right on time, just like their dad.” Chimney shoots a grin at her, “I was born at ten in the morning, on the exact day my ma had been expecting me after a six hour labour.” There’s a prideful look on his face that makes her roll her eyes as she laughs. 

“Yeah, well, both Buck and I were three weeks early, so you never know. We might be meeting this one sooner than you think.” She adores the way his eyes light up at that, the hopeful smile on his face as he looks from her face, towards the bump. 

“I wouldn’t complain too much about that, as long as the little bean is healthy and ready to meet us, I’ve been ready for  _ months _ .” 

She wants to kiss him, she really wants to kiss him but she bites down on her lip instead, settling a little further back into the couch to put as much distance between them as she can without making it too obvious. “I’m sure they can’t wait to meet you, too, they’re always so much more active when you’re around.” And she wishes he was around more, it’s been a few weeks since he’d left the hospital and whilst he took his time to recover, she hadn’t wanted to intrude. She had missed him every hour of every single day she wasn’t there with him. 

“I was thinking about how it’s gonna work when the baby is here and I know we didn’t ever get our first date… and maybe you’ve changed your mind since and now you’re… well,  _ very _ pregnant, I-I mean… I’ll wait. I’ll always wait for you if that’s what you want but uh, I think what I want, besides that because I do--this isn’t coming out right,” Her cheeks flush, and she imagines she’s about as fiery red as he is right then as he looks at her and reaches out a hand for hers which she gratefully takes. It’s strange, sometimes, to think of Chimney’s gentle hands and about how, once, just the act of her husband reaching out his hand for her would cause her to flinch because she didn’t know what was coming next. Whether it be a soft graze of his hand in hers or a tightening squeeze to serve as a brief warning. 

Chimney’s hands had done nothing but make her feel… good. Good about herself, about him, about… life and their future and raising a child with him. Her thumb brushes against his knuckles as she keeps her focus entirely on his hands, barely hearing a word he’s saying, although she knows he’s talking. She can remember the subtle scarring to Doug’s hands, often covered by the bruising, especially towards the last few years of their relationship. A pain rushes through her when she remembers how he’d once held an ice pack against the back of his hand and told her if he couldn’t operate the next day… the threat lingered in the air as she had cradled her broken ribs and nodded her head, the apology falling from her lips before she could stop it. 

“.... Maddie, are you listening to me?” 

She hadn’t realised that she had completely blanked out, her hand trembling and her chest tight, gotten so lost in her own thoughts that she had forgotten exactly where she was for a moment. Maybe that was a sign that she wasn’t ready for someone like Chimney but then… maybe it was a sign that she  _ was _ . Because all she longed for was to be loved, truly loved by someone who could never be cruel. “I-I’m sorry, what did you say?” She bites down on her lip as she finally looks up from his hands, being met with his worried face instead as she takes a deep, shaky breath. 

“Are you okay? Is there something wrong with the baby?” There’s a panic on his face, a genuine worry in his tear-filled eyes that somehow eases the tension in her chest as she shakes her head. 

“It’s just hard to get used to,” Confusion crosses his face before she smiles, “being cared about.” The confusion is so easily replaced by a pained look before she pulls her hand from his and brushes her knuckles softly down the bridge of his nose. “I’m so glad I met you and that little Dotty or Seb will have you as a daddy. He or she is going to be the luckiest in the world. And me too…” Her fingers move to ghost along his jawline, and then up over the scar on his forehead that reminds her all too suddenly that life is short and it can be cruel but also kind, too. It’s been a few weeks since he was released from hospital but she knows by the fact he still hasn’t gone back to work and how he’s trying to subtly hold his side, that he’s still in pain. A stark reminder of the way things could have been. “We don’t need to go on a… fancy date to know how I feel about you.” 

Maddie can feel the slight vibration of his body as he takes a breath and looks at her, “A-and how do you… feel?” He looks as though he’s afraid of the answer and she knows he’s been hurt before, the tears slipping down her cheeks as she grins at him. 

“I feel... “ She takes a deep breath in an attempt to relax her shoulders, wondering if a kiss would be enough and maybe then, she could stop holding herself back and start opening her heart up to something else. Something different… something new. “Safe. Happy. Joy…” His eyes sparkle and his smile causes her heart to flutter. She thinks carefully about her next words, worried that maybe she’s wrong, dreading the thought of embarrassing herself but if she doesn’t say it out loud, she’ll never know. “Loved… and in love and I’m… if you don’t… feel that way, I-I… that’s okay, too. Maybe I… I know it’s complicated and there’s a baby and maybe it’s not me that you love and maybe it’s…” 

She’s grateful when he interrupts her before she can continue going around in circles, her cheeks heating up, “I was so excited to go on that date with you and not because you’re carrying our child because that’s wonderful and it’s amazing and you’re glowing, you’re gorgeous but… because I can’t imagine my life without you in it. These past few months have been the happiest of my life. And when I was… lying on the ground, so certain I was going to die because,” He shrugs his shoulders, a sad, distant look on his face, “well… yeah. But um, all I could think about was you and how I hadn’t told you that I love you because I was too scared that I would ruin what we have and I wanna be a great dad, I wanna be everything to this baby that my dad wasn’t to me but I also… I love you. You as Maddie Buckley… the nurse and the woman who laughs at all my jokes, who asks me way too many questions during every single movie and somehow doesn’t annoy me… the woman who pouts at the smell of coffee because you miss it so much and… who can light up any room with that smile of yours. And I love you as the mother you already are and the mother you’re going to be and the father you’re going to help me be... “ 

It’s her turn to interrupt him, this time as her hands clench around the fabric of his top to bring him as close to her as she possibly can, crashing her lips against his with a grin. It takes barely a second for his lips to move against hers, hands resting carefully on the back of her neck and he tastes like the mint gum she always sees him chewing and his lips are soft. And Maddie thinks… no, she  _ knows _ , that she could kiss him forever and never grow tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter next... what do we think... boy or girl?!


	10. Chapter 10

It’s funny; her heart feels so full when her daughter is in her arms and despite the fact she’s only a few feet away, being held by the only other person in the world who loves her just as much as she does, it aches for her once more. She’s only been in the world a few hours and Maddie already misses the feeling of her moving inside of her, of how, in moments of loneliness, she could press her hand against her stomach and remember she would never be alone again. 

In true Buckley style, Dotty Joy Buckley-Han had made her way into the world two weeks and five days before her due date. Thankfully, whilst she had been at work, so it had been only a short and painful walk before the panic had started to set in that Chimney wouldn’t make it in time. He had, eventually, barely a minute before the first cries of their daughter could be heard sounding through the room. Maddie smiles as she watches him, still in his uniform, softly whispering something she can’t make out from where she’s sitting. 

This wasn’t what she had imagined her life to be like when she had packed a bag and decided to make the journey to LA. All she had ever wanted was to move on from her life in Hershey, to have a fresh start and heal from the wounds of her sixteen year relationship. Part of those wounds had been the wall that she had built between her and her little brother… they had been so close growing up, close enough that she had let her own fear that something would happen to him if Doug perceived him to be a threat. It was easier to keep him at arm’s length but… that moment of courage she had which had led her to get in her car and drive thousands of miles away from the only home she had known her entire adult life, was the best decision her life. 

The fear that had led her to walk into a bar that night she had arrived in the city, however, was… it should have been something she regretted. Meeting the stranger in a bar, pressing her lips to his and tasting the mixture of mint and whiskey in his mouth before they barely made it to his apartment still fully clothed. When she had found out that she was pregnant, she had already accepted life as a single mother and then… well, the universe had a funny way of working.

“I can’t stop staring at her.” That bright eyed stranger with a scar on his forehead and a lopsided smile whispers, and she realises, more than anything, she’s happy that he wasn’t just a one night stand and he most definitely wasn’t a stranger anymore. His eyes are still bright, the scar still there, and the smile wider than it had been that night, still with the piece of gum between his lips. She loves him and he loves her and they love their daughter. Sometimes the greatest things in the world were unexpected. 

She watches as Chimney walks over to her, a pout on his lips when he carefully settles the tiny baby on her chest and her hand immediately falls to the flock of thick, jet black hair, the biggest grin on her face when she can feel that tiny little heart beating against her own skin. For as long as she could remember, Maddie had always wanted to be a mother and when she had first met Doug, she had imagined a whole life with him - two girls and a little boy running around the home they shared together with a dog and so much laughter and joy. It had taken her a few years to realise it wasn’t what her husband wanted and it wasn’t…  _ safe.  _ The thought of being pregnant around him terrified her, the thought of trying to juggle a newborn baby and his ever increasing temper, and then the thought of being tied to him for the rest of her life. 

It hadn’t been easy but she had soon dampened down the dream she had and focused on being the best paediatric nurse she possibly could be. Her head rests on Chimney’s shoulder the second he climbs into the bed beside her, wrapping an arm around her as he places his other hand on their daughter’s back and she knows there isn’t anything else in the world she needs other than the beautiful family she’s found in LA. “I can’t believe she’s finally here.” She finally says out loud, tilting her head down to nudge her nose against her head, breathing her in as she smiles. “I feel like I’ve waited my whole life for her.” 

They look at each other for a moment and she knows the look on his face, she knows that there was a time when he hadn’t thought any of this was possible, either. Life hadn’t been easy for either of them but somehow, in a way neither of them could truly comprehend, this was the easiest thing in the world. “Me too.” Chimney’s words are soft, and the tears that fall down his face, as they had done when the words ‘she’s here’ had been spoken, just make her fall in love with him even more. “Thank you, both of you.” 

All she can do is shake her head, before she presses a soft kiss to their daughter’s head and then lifts her head up to press their lips together, unable to stop the tears of joy that fall, even more so when Dotty wiggles in her arms. “I should be thanking you.” 

“I love you… both of you.” The words are softly spoken, his dark eyes looking into hers and she’s always taken aback by just how much she  _ believes _ him. She feels it as her heart clenches, nudging her nose against his chin as she giggles, giddy with the joy that they were finally a family and she’d never feel lonely again.


End file.
